Hello breast cancer our old "friend," I hate to see you again .... Writing got me through this last time, until I was ready to talk to someone -- hopefully it does the same again. But, before I write, I need to start.

Back in 2012, my (then 41 year old) wife was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer. She had a lumpectomy one of the top cancer hospitals in the US. Her margins were clear and  nothing had spread to her lymph nodes. So, after a round of chemo and radiation, she was cleared and ready to go on with life.

Fast forward to 2016. Maybe even 2015. She started feeling pain in her bones, but wrote it off to arthritis. She was having trouble sleeping. Tamoxifen, which ultimately gave her blood clots, forced her to sleep on our recliner so she could keep her feet raised. After a short time, she discovered that was a more comfortable place to sleep. Still, she was constantly tired and unfocused. As spring went on, her mental lapses continued. Thinking it was due to lack of sleep, we finally broke down and bought a posterpetic adjustable bed for her (pretty comfortable actually).

At the time of the blood clot, she had a followup with her oncologist. Aside from the blood clots all seemed well. She was taken off the Tamoxifen (could that be where the cancer cells saw their opening and struck back?) and given other drugs that caused other side effects.More pain, more mental issues.

After a time she started feeling pain in her abdomen. She's not sure when it started, it was so gradual.  Maybe late spring? Hard to know. It didn't help that since her last round, she left her previous job and opened a law practice that required her to drive all around the state of NJ. If I had to guess, I'd say it became noticeable sometime in late May when she decided she no longer had the energy to run her firm and go to the gym (last time she went to the Y constantly as it made her feel better).

The firm was busy so she put off going to the doctor, though she did have a colonoscopy in early June -- all looked well (no blood work). She had good days and bad. Finally, at the end of July she went to her primary care doctor. Thinking it was gallstones. her doctor told her to go the ER outpatient for scans (just across the street from the office). Two oncologists came in and told her the scans (and later tests confirmed) that her liver was riddled with lesions. Stage IV breast cancer -- no cure.

To say we were shocked is to put it mildly. Long story short, we know the odds -- 22% survival rate after five years. Obviously there are other factors in that survival rate -- age, general health, wealth, access to care etc. Still, it was like we just died, at least our long term plans.

It is likely we will not grow old together. She will probably not see our children marry, her grandchildren ... At this point her hope is to see our 11 year old through high school, while realizing she may not see our 16 year old make it that far.

My emotions are all over the place. I need to vent but am not ready to talk. Hopefully this will help me collect my thoughts so I can, ultimately help my wife through this.

Why do people laugh at conservatives in the US?

What is being a conservative? Is it conserving resources for future generations? Is it keeping society pretty much as is? Is it something similar. That was what I was taught but it seems this century the term has been turned on its ear to mean something totally different, such as an activist agenda to turn society back a half century, or more, fore various reasons. The result is that thanks to caricatures of fools by those with their own interests, many think conservatives equals the path to a Jesus loving Third World America that is intolerant to anybody not white and Christian.

I point a lot of this at Fox News. Oh there is some truth in what they say but then they use their editorial "discretion" to run their own agenda. "We report, you decide"? Ha. Never trust a source who has to constantly tell you they are honest. They are not just the anti-CNN and anti-MSNBC. They report their stories in way that will energize Republicans (which may also be why some call the network (Faux News). 

Back in the day, conservatives were in both the Democratic and Republican parties. Now the conservatives have pretty much migrated to the GOP and hijacked it for their own means. Part of this is due to the race baiting that Fox pretends they do not do so they can keep their sweet market share of old white men.  Another part is the happy coincidence that this manages to energize the now GOP base. Fox keeps bringing up nonsense scandals and ignore the real problems because that is what their demographics want.

Speaking of the media, it is in the best interests of the corporations that own the newspapers, TV networks, internet providers etc., to have the people fighting over silly things like keeping the Christ in Christmas and how horrible it will be to raise the minimum wage so the sheeple are distracted from what is really important such as how the middle class is being gutted for various reasons with no real solutions to help the people. The solution for the security of the US is not bombing ISIS, it is investing in our people but you would never know that reading the newspapers. 

Thanks to the consolidation of the media, I believe is worse than the yellow journalism of the late 19th/early 20th century. The only reason you are seeing this is because i haven't bothered Google or your internet provider/ I suspect this will continue until some conservative politician tells the starving masses to eat cake when they can't afford bread and a hell breaks lose that the media will be unable to ignore. 

As to the rest, there are different level of conservatism. One strain that makes people think conservatives are crazy are the ones who live on social issues. You know, "good" Christians who think all who are not white, Evangelism, Jesus loving Christians and live according to their version of the Bible are all going to Hell. While I am sure of those people believe in their hearts they are correct, others go out of their way to make others suffer if they don't follow their particular conservative morality code. Like Sarah Palin telling the Pope he doesn't understand Christianity.

These are the folks who twist logic and scientific facts to fit what they think the Bible says. They want their version of Jesus to be taught in schools as if that will solve all of America's problems. They thank God that nobody died when their home was destroyed by a tornado but don't question what they did wrong to cause God to allow the tornado to destroy their home. These are same folks who refuse to be educated in the sciences and, God forbid, true religious studies. For example, Jesus wasn't killed by his fellow Jews against Rome's wishes, as has been taught in Christianity since around the time Rome adopted Christianity as the empire's official religion. Jesus was one of many zealots put to death by Rome for treason against the empire as being a zealot meant you didn't accept the Emperor as number one.

Then, you have the neo-conservatives who hijacked the government after we were caught with our pants down on 9/11 and used that excuse to spend billions of dollars bombing innocent brown people. These people think there is a boogie man around every corner. I will also throw the gun loving survivalists in this group (though why they want an AK-47 to blow up Bambi into pieces too small to eat when civilization and grocery stores fail I don't understand).

Now this is more a Democrat/Republican thing that just happens to fall into the conservative pie, there were the enormous tax cuts to their buddies while allowing deregulation that nearly destroyed the economy instead of just furthering tightening the noose on the middle class. If they truly believed in capitalism they would have let everything fail instead of providing corporate welfare while they let the middle class and lower go down the toilet.

What is the solution? Well it won't come from above. We the People are the only ones who can take back the government from the special interests, hiding under liberal and conservative labels.

The Hamas Concentration Camp? Blame Israel of Course.

Another article blaming Israel for Hamas and Gaza for shooting themselves in the foot for lobbing bombs into Israel that give liberals a bad name to protest Israel turning Gaza into a concentration camp through their occupation. It also touches on American Jews for giving money to Israel for the horrible nation building they have done over the last 65 years while the Palestinians through faults of their own and their own outside supporters have done nothing but play the victim card. When the Jews said never again after holocaust, they meant it. Tired of being the victim every time a country decided it was time to blame the Jews, the only thing left to do was build a place of their own, which many did not appreciate and still do not.

Israel left Gaza almost a decade ago. It is no longer occupied, except when Gaza attacks Israel and the IDF goes in to defend their nation.The Gazaians (is that a word?) has spent the last decade building and lobbing bombs into Israel instead of building up their infrastructure. Why? The stated goal of Hamas is to wipe Israel off the bat. Period.

I am not talking about the Palestinians. I am not talking about the 20% of Israel's population that are Israeli-Arabs with full citizenship rights. I am talking about Hamas. Hamas who happily accepts civilian casualties and even invites them by using human shields. You can say Israel is heavy handed, maybe she is. But don't ignore the little fact that Hamas is using the Palestinian people for its own goal. When you mess with the bull, you are going to get gored. In Hamas' case it is the civilian people which is horrible. But Hamas doesn't care about them. Those deaths look good for their propaganda and supporters.

What do you think the US would do if Mexico started lobbing bombs on a regular basis into Texas or California? Do you think the federal government would allow Houston or San Diego and its suburbs to be attacked without retaliation? If so, you are naive.

If Hamas laid down their guns and bombs there would be peace. If Israel did the same she would be wiped off the maps and the Jewish population massacred. And if you want to compare Gaza to a concentration camp, well Israel is not the only nation on Gaza's border.

If Gaza is a concentration camp, it is a camp of Islamic making. The Muslim nations have launched several genocidal war of extermination against the Israelis  since 1948. They lost them all. There are consequences to starting and loosing wars of aggression.

In the wake of those wars the Muslim nations drove out the Jewish populations, at least the portions of the population they did not kill. Israel took in those refugees and settled them in Israel. In contrast, the Muslim nations did not settle the refugees who fled Israel and what were then the Palestinian lands in 1948. They interred them in camps, and did so to score political points, displaying a complete disregard of the human suffering they created.

There is injustice on both sides. Both sides deserve to have their own land, and to live in peace. But it is ridiculous to blame all the the violence on Israel. They have the sovereign right to shoot back at people who fire missiles at them, and the camps were of Muslim making.

Net neutrality

Dear FCC,

In the last few decades, our economy has vastly changed to an online economy. From almost everywhere, people can work, shop, research, watch movies etc. online. A key component to this ability is broadband internet access. Sadly, due to many circumstances, most of the US is subject to the whims of their cable providers as the sole provider of internet access. Even sadder, this industry, unlike phones, electric and water, isn't regulated for the public good so the industry has taken it on itself to throttle down internet speeds unless people give them even more money, both the content provider and the content user.

Imagine if the same happened to electricity or water. Imagine if we told factory B they can't have the water pressure they need, even though it's available, because they haven't paid their ransom (which is what anti0net neutrality really is). We'd be laughed at as a 3rd world country. Yet that is exactly what is happening to the internet.

Bad enough the cable industry doesn't have any incentive to offer the higher speeds offered by our nation's competitors, they now want to damage our economy for their own profit by making it more difficult for the constructive demolition that has marked our economy's ability to change with the times as new businesses come in to replace older businesses that don't adjust fast enough to changing times.

These broad band internet monopolies are bad for our economy. While I understand there is not much that can be done about the lack of competition at this time, you can do something. Don't let broad band companies throttle back internet speeds for those who can not pay for the high speed lanes. We are an online economy, this plan can only harm it. Furthermore, I propose the FCC regulate the internet providers similar to the way other public good industries are regulated. Don't let the K Street lobbyists win, do the work of the people.

The bridge "scandal" that won't go away

Living in NJ, Governor Christie's "Bridge-gate" scandal remains in our news cycle, but I am more surprised it remains in the national news. If the governor wasn't seeking higher office (potentially) this would have just died down as NJ politics as usual with the usual cronyism from the NYNJ Port Authority.  I can't imagine that a farmer in Iowa cares about what happens here but what do I know, aside from I am getting tired of all the coverage.

Unless there is evidence to the contrary, I believe Christie had nothing to do with the lane closings. However, I feel he has been less than truthful as to when he found out and his relationship with Wildstein. Minor stuff and I wouldn't be surprised to find out he was trying to save his friends from their own stupidity, hoping nothing else would come out. It's not impeachable but the possibility of a coverup keeps the press amused, which is fine to an extent (got to have a press that flashes sunshine in the dark corners where politicians do ill). At this point it seems like the media has gone overboard looking for anything for a "gotcha" story.

No matter though, there was no way he was going to get the 2016 nomination for president in the current national GOP. He is too "liberal" for that crowd.

Hello 52,014

Well 52,015 but that title doesn't sound as cool. 50,000 years from now sounds better than 50,001 years. Why am I saying hello to the future? Well in the near future the spaceship KEO is about to embark on 50,000 year tour, a 50,000 year tour, and come back to earth, assuming the space weather doesn't get too rough.

As part of the KEO's 50,000 year mission, every person living on Earth, small, weak, powerful or rich is provided with four pages of liberty and equality to pen down his or her message destined for the future. All the messages received, without undergoing any censorship, will be embarked aboard KEO. Since none of us will be around so far in the future, I thought I would put my message in the public eye now. Here is my story [doink doink].

As I write this, it is January 13, 2014 (Common Era), approximately 3 weeks after the winter solstice in the Northern Hemisphere. I am in the town [redacted] in the state of New Jersey in the United States of America. (Latitude: 40.058324, Longitude: -74.405661) [note: this is just a random spot in NJ]. Now that I have gotten that out of the way, I hope you can read more than my latitude, longitude position, even with your version of a universal translator (not to mention who even knows if there will be a civilization by then).

I grew up in the outer boroughs of New York City (a bit north of my present location). My childhood was somewhat typical of the last third of the 20th century. We lived in an apartment, one color TV, one black and white. No computers aside from primitive toys. My days were spent in school, my free time riding my bicycle with my friends to go to a park or video arcade. Occasionally we would take the subway or have my mother drive us into the city to see more exciting things. No computers in the classrooms then. We had to memorize everything, no simple recalling it on our devices. I and my brothers used to deliver a physical copy of the daily newspaper to our customers, the closest you could get to information that was more than a sound bite from the TV or radio news at your doorstep.

Assuming there is someone to read this in what we call 52,014, I wonder if you will see us like we see the ancient nomadic tribes from tens of thousands of years ago, a primitive people at the dawn of the information age or Gods from a lost, rumored magical time similar to the stories of the lost continent of Atlantis. I doubt the work I particularly do will be of little interest in a time so far away as well as my daily life's activities. Suffice to say, statistically, I will fall into the average highly educated, New York City suburbanite, top 10% demographic. Oh I may have some unique thoughts and feelings, but I imagine they will be as interesting in 50,000 years as the thoughts of an individual slave in ancient Rome.

It is easy to assume that in 50,000 years civilizations would have fallen, risen up, and fallen again numerous times. And if that is the case little will remain from our time except, maybe, some strange cuts in some mountains. Tales from our days, if remembered at all, would be like tales from the Bible, which is probably just exaggerated folk tales. Heck, we barely remember history from 5,000 years ago so I can't fathom what it will be like so many years in the future.

I am not worried of any of my possible descendants reading this, assuming my children and their children and so on keep reproducing. If I do have descendants my portion of their DNA code will be so small as to be de minims, especially as I have not had my DNA code saved anywhere, aside from swabs from doctors visits over my life, past and future.

So far I have said a lot of nothing, but I imagine many have written or will write about current entertainment and technology. Assuming history books from this time remain in some form, anyone reading this will probably have studied our ancient technology in their early grade education.

I suppose every generation says they live in exciting times, but to me it seems we do. 200 years ago was barely the start of the industrial revolution, where machines were just being created to help man fulfill their potential. Today we are creating machines and robots that are replacing man and are not sure what this will do to our economy. Information is always at our fingertips. If I want to borrow or buy a book, magazine or newspaper, I press a few buttons and voila -- information!

Speaking of computers, though today's computers that will be in this device will undoubtedly seem primitive so far in the future, computers 35 years were even more so.  When I was a young adult I could scarcely imagine that in less than 30 years time I would be typing out a message that could potentially be read in 50,000 years, or sooner if there is life out there or man is able to conquer the stars, and someone comes across this much sooner. Speaking of the stars, aside from landing on the moon, our travels so far have been limited to probes such as this satellite.

I'd say the biggest change in my life has been the rise of the computers. Not that long ago, much research was carried out using dead trees, pencils and papers as that was the most efficient. We used to have to go to a physical building and spend hours researching a specific topic using several physical books. People waited on line at the store, not go online via the internet. Today a few clicks on my computer while I am sitting on my couch takes care of that in a few seconds. I suppose it won't be much longer until our computers become internal devices that automatically link is to the rest of the world, finding information instantly. I am very curious to see what the next 100-200 years have in store for man and machine.

My religion or spiritual belief is Jewish. Basically our core beliefs are: 1) "do unto others as you would have done unto you," with the rest being commentary, 2) They tried to kill us, they failed, let's eat! We also believe in one great invisible spirit in the sky who created the universe and protects us, unless we piss him off somehow. I'd like to think there is some higher authority out there, somewhere, but logic suggests this is not so.

At the present, our civilization is poisoning the environment.  We use and throw strange chemicals into our grounds and waters without concern about what the effects of this may be. We are changing weather patterns and sea levels with our machines. It doesn't matter if some don't believe in climate change, climate change believes in us. I wonder if we will rectify this one day soon or if the Earth will simply shake most of us off like a bad cold. Right now it looks more like we better start working on some cold medicine.

Well 52,014 that about covers it. I will be barely dust by time you read this, my atoms scattered, reformed, and scattered again many times when you read this. To quote an ancient philosopher: "Live long and prosper."

So that was my letter for our spaceship in a bottle, for better or for worse. 52,014 will get a taste of our times, perhaps more intimate than tomorrow's history books will be. Even if an alien civilization stumbles upon this satellite before its journey's end, we of 2014 will most likely be long gone from this planet, giving those races an idea of what early 21st century earth was like. 50,000 years ago, cavemen were drawing pictures on walls, barely showing that can reflect on their dealings with the environment. I wonder if our descendents will see this time similarly.

Bad parenting

I found this interesting letter on a blog taking a radio host to task because he disagreed with the host's views on parenting. Basically, the father argued that he was helping his gifted, unemployed college graduate 29 year old son by letting him play video games in his basement because he is too good to take any job out there and should wait for the economy to get better so he can get the job he deserves. And he also bashed the host because he favored children doing chores, likening it to slave labor.

Slave labor? Oh dear. We require our 12 year old take out the recyclables/trash to the curb, get the mail, take care of the dogs and mow the lawn (and help me shovel in winter). Worse our 8 year old daughter is following in his foot-prints by helping him bring the trash cans back up to the house, helping with the dishes and feeding her cat. I didn’t know that we’ve been doing it wrong, according to Nick, all this time, even though our son got almost straight A’s (one B) on his last report card.

By the way, I started working at 12 (paper route) and have pretty much worked continuously ever since. I graduated college just as the Bush I recession was starting and was laid off around the same time that we invaded Kuwait. I spent two years working temp jobs, some that made use of my college education and some that didn’t. However, it was those additional skills/temp jobs in my field that I could add to my resume that finally got me full employment. Sitting at home would have done nothing.

Growing up I had a very good friend who really was gifted. He went to Cooper Union, graduated, worked as an engineer for the City of NY for a few years before going back to Columbia University to get his masters. He was on his way and then ... nothing. For the last 15 years or so he has been working in his mother's basement on a computer game that has been continuously become out of date (though, at least, it does force him to stay somewhat current in his field). 

It is not for me to say if he has illness or is on the autism spectrum (back in the day children weren't tested for Asperger Syndrome) that has caused him to retreat from life but I do suspect that the worse thing his mother did was allow him to move back home permanently after Columbia. Granted there were circumstances that led to this -- his father was in poor health and passed around that time and his mother needed help but that is still no excuse for his long term unemployment. 

In comparison my great-uncle, an orphan at 16 and forced to live with grandparents, went to Cooper Union, married, had two children and literally became a rocket scientist  by 30. I'm sure it helped that, aside from a brother providing a couch to sleep on, he had nothing to fall back on. Compare that to my friend who was babied by his mother for all these years. He was the one of our group that we all thought would do wonderful things with his life. Now, at age 45, those of us who remain his friend see that will never be. Sad that the letter writer can't see that this will be the fate of his son if he keeps this up.

And for the final shot, after the letter writer suggests that the radio host grow up and get some life experience, the host noted that at age 27, two years younger than the letter writer's son, he  was married with two children and on his way in his career at broadcasting and not wasting time in  his parents' basement. At age 29 I was in law school, while working full time, married and had been out of my mother’s house for years. I don’t think I could have accomplished law school and working full time without the work experience of my youth that forced me to do more than just come home after school. The letter writer is not helping his son.