Recently, I saw a survey asking what was the nicest thing one of your parents ever did for you. My first thought was:Hard to say.
My dad taught me what to do and not do as a parent. The
good things: worked hard, home for dinner most nights, taught me how
walk like a New Yorker, made sure our school work was up to par (he once
negotiated a failing grade for me when he thought I didn't deserve to
pass, which was true). The bad things: Gambling and his temper. I don't
like to gamble, at least heavily, so that has never been an issue. His
temper is another matter. I inherited it. To make sure I didn't do what
he did (hitting) I started doing what his dad did to him (yelling) until
I realized what I was doing and broke the cycle (anti-depressant drugs
can be wonderful for giving you clarity). He died when I was just shy of 20 and the
last few years were horrible for him as my brother died in a car
accident 2 1/2 years earlier so I have no experience with him as an
adult.
My mother, somewhat the same. She was a good
conversationalist in her time, took us places (she was a teacher so had
the summers off), took my surviving brother, sister and I on cruises
after our dad passed (she is disabled and needed someone to help her,
but paid our bar bills and gave us plenty of free time so we were happy
to cruise with her), bought my wife and I some essentials when we got our 1st apartment etc. But she was also very selfish -- she was out many nights doing various volunteer work,
due to her disability, we sometimes had to pass up educational
opportunities to help her (which is why we got out of there as soon as
we could for own peace of mind), wasted money, so we had to support her
sooner then we should have, to the detriments of our own young families.
Obviously I still have some mommy and daddy issues to talk over with my therapist, so I re-looked at the question again: "what was the nicest thing you parent ever did for you?" Then how to answer the question in a positive matter hit me. Where am I today, where I wouldn't be but for a specific action? Not just the basic schooling, a comfortable roof over my head, food and clothing -- which can be a lot for some parents, sadly. Some specific step. Then the answer was easy: Paid my college tuition and
gave me somewhat free room and board while in school, even after my dad
died when I was just shy of 20 and money got a little tight (fortunately
City University of NY tuition was fairly low at the time).
Unlike many students today, I graduated with no debt which was very fortunate as I graduated college just in time for the Bush I recession of the early 90s. Without my college education, i likely would not have been in a position to get a job that paid for my law school tuition. Without a college education I would never have met my wife (we met in a LSAT review class, LSATs were a test prospective law students took), gone to law school and entered a mostly satisfying career. I would never have been the father to our children. I would have lived a totally different life, most likely not for the better. My parents gave me an education, the key to it all. They prepared me for my life. That is the nicest thing a parent can do.
