I saw an interesting article on today's motherlode blog in the NY Times writing on a study that says mothers of children with autism earn earn less then those whose children do not suffer from this affliction. Well, duh! But I do have one correction. It is not just mothers who earn less but fathers too.
My wife and I are both attorneys, licensed for nearly 15 years in NY and NJ. Parents of an 11 year old with Asperger syndrome, neither one of us is currently practicing. Instead we are in alternate careers that allow us to have more flexible hours so we can tend to our son's needs. I have taken a position where I can work from home more often than not, with flexible hours, that allows me to take our son to his various therapies/group sessions etc. My wife took a position in a courthouse near our home so she could take him to his appointments on the rare days I can not. And, my wife actually earns more then me these days (yay for unions I guess).
We do this so our son can be the best he can be. That is a parent's role and we don't ask for favors or sympathy. We have met many who are worse off then us with children with more serious health issues. We have both turned down promotions because that would have caused us to travel and/or work longer hours. And while we make a decent living, especially compared to many Americans, we do earn less than our graduating class peers. While luxury vacations, new cars and big houses are out, we do quite nicely in our middle class existence.
So we are not living the life we had hoped, big deal. Don't get me wrong, we have serious vacation envy when we hear stories from friends and family who take luxurious vacations or hop on a plane for a quick weekend in the Bahamas with their children with barely a thought (assuming we had the extra money, which always seems to go to therapies our son needs not covered by insurance, our son does not like sudden changes and we need to plan things out in advance). We both miss meeting friends on weekends because our son's issues keep us busy (a 10 minute book report can be quite an ordeal that can kill a Sunday -- don't get me started on his first attempts at acute angels, gave me nightmares about my 9th grade algebra teacher). First world problems and we remind ourselves that compared to many in a similar situation we are blessed. Our son is otherwise healthy and we have the skills and education that allow us to pick careers where we have time for our son -- many parents do not have our options.
We are enjoying our alternate route in life as best as we can. We are undoubtedly less stressed then our more highly paid peers. One benefit of our extra free time, is that we are able to go the gym (my NJ Transit reading time is now my sweating at the YMCA time) and have the time to cook healthy meals. And both our children benefit from having us around more. Perhaps we are actually "richer," though our lower income means I type this letter on a Saturday night while the family is watching a movie from Netflix on our non-HD TV, in lieu of my wife and I hiring a sitter and going out for dinner and a movie. In any event, though we planned a luxurious cruise to London, we are taking our steerage cruise to Holland one day at a time and seeing where it takes us.
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