Bad parenting

I found this interesting letter on a blog taking a radio host to task because he disagreed with the host's views on parenting. Basically, the father argued that he was helping his gifted, unemployed college graduate 29 year old son by letting him play video games in his basement because he is too good to take any job out there and should wait for the economy to get better so he can get the job he deserves. And he also bashed the host because he favored children doing chores, likening it to slave labor.

Slave labor? Oh dear. We require our 12 year old take out the recyclables/trash to the curb, get the mail, take care of the dogs and mow the lawn (and help me shovel in winter). Worse our 8 year old daughter is following in his foot-prints by helping him bring the trash cans back up to the house, helping with the dishes and feeding her cat. I didn’t know that we’ve been doing it wrong, according to Nick, all this time, even though our son got almost straight A’s (one B) on his last report card.

By the way, I started working at 12 (paper route) and have pretty much worked continuously ever since. I graduated college just as the Bush I recession was starting and was laid off around the same time that we invaded Kuwait. I spent two years working temp jobs, some that made use of my college education and some that didn’t. However, it was those additional skills/temp jobs in my field that I could add to my resume that finally got me full employment. Sitting at home would have done nothing.

Growing up I had a very good friend who really was gifted. He went to Cooper Union, graduated, worked as an engineer for the City of NY for a few years before going back to Columbia University to get his masters. He was on his way and then ... nothing. For the last 15 years or so he has been working in his mother's basement on a computer game that has been continuously become out of date (though, at least, it does force him to stay somewhat current in his field). 

It is not for me to say if he has illness or is on the autism spectrum (back in the day children weren't tested for Asperger Syndrome) that has caused him to retreat from life but I do suspect that the worse thing his mother did was allow him to move back home permanently after Columbia. Granted there were circumstances that led to this -- his father was in poor health and passed around that time and his mother needed help but that is still no excuse for his long term unemployment. 

In comparison my great-uncle, an orphan at 16 and forced to live with grandparents, went to Cooper Union, married, had two children and literally became a rocket scientist  by 30. I'm sure it helped that, aside from a brother providing a couch to sleep on, he had nothing to fall back on. Compare that to my friend who was babied by his mother for all these years. He was the one of our group that we all thought would do wonderful things with his life. Now, at age 45, those of us who remain his friend see that will never be. Sad that the letter writer can't see that this will be the fate of his son if he keeps this up.

And for the final shot, after the letter writer suggests that the radio host grow up and get some life experience, the host noted that at age 27, two years younger than the letter writer's son, he  was married with two children and on his way in his career at broadcasting and not wasting time in  his parents' basement. At age 29 I was in law school, while working full time, married and had been out of my mother’s house for years. I don’t think I could have accomplished law school and working full time without the work experience of my youth that forced me to do more than just come home after school. The letter writer is not helping his son.

Wannabe cops and profiling

When I was a child of around 12 or 13, my younger brother and I had a paper route that covered several NYC apartment buildings. As this was the early 80s several of the buildings had evening neighborhood watches that hung out in the lobby observing. Also, as this was the early 80s, no one thought it strange that two young children would be able to go after dark to collect money for their little business without adult supervision -- except one person.

One evening we were buzzed into one of the buildings on our route by one of our customers to make our weekly collections. This building had some residents in the lobby keeping an eye on things and, as we approached the elevator, we were questioned by the watch as to what we were doing there. We showed them our collection book, what floors we'd be going to etc (no ID at that time, it was a simpler day) and were cleared to proceed. As usual we took the elevator to the top and walked down floor by floor. Collecting the money could be time consuming, depending on the floor, as we had to go door to door. Somewhere in the middle the local gestapo decided we were taking too long and kicked us out of the building.

When we arrived home early my dad asked why we were back so early. When we told him, he got up (a big deal, once he was on the couch for the night that was it), had us go back to the building and started telling the lead watcher off as he told us to finish collecting. When we were finished our dad was still telling the guy off and had us wait while he finished, basically accusing the dude of being a bully and making up for a small penis. Then, when he was finished, he told the guy - by the way, your fly is open. On the walk home he commented that certain people, who are otherwise weak, abuse power once they get it and that was one of those people.

From the little bits I've heard from news clips of his trial, neighborhood watch person George Zimmerman allegedly seems more and more like that wannabe cop with delusions of grandeur that my brother and I encountered all those years ago. Ignoring whatever prior bad acts that Trevor Martin may have done before his encounter with Zimmerman, the basis of  the confrontation seems to be that Zimmerman allegedly just assumed a teenager with a hoodie (in the rain) was up to no good just as our neighbor did with us. Maybe Zimmerman felt he was doing the right thing, maybe he was just profiling, probably this whole mess has become political, but maybe he thought he was more important than he actually was -- a man who wanted to be something that he couldn't be and forgot that in the heat of the moment. Real officers are trained to not allow an encounter such as what occurred between Martin and Zimmerman to escalate (and that is true even if they are undercover). Neighborhood watchers are there to watch and report.

I guess I should be relieved that the apartment building's watch wasn't armed. I guess I should also be relieved we were allowed to quietly leave the building and go home (which probably would not have happened if we were a minority race in our neighborhood). Sad that Martin didn't get the chance to go home and get his dad to defend him like my brother and I were able to do because he was determined not worthy of standing his ground.