Bad parenting

I found this interesting letter on a blog taking a radio host to task because he disagreed with the host's views on parenting. Basically, the father argued that he was helping his gifted, unemployed college graduate 29 year old son by letting him play video games in his basement because he is too good to take any job out there and should wait for the economy to get better so he can get the job he deserves. And he also bashed the host because he favored children doing chores, likening it to slave labor.

Slave labor? Oh dear. We require our 12 year old take out the recyclables/trash to the curb, get the mail, take care of the dogs and mow the lawn (and help me shovel in winter). Worse our 8 year old daughter is following in his foot-prints by helping him bring the trash cans back up to the house, helping with the dishes and feeding her cat. I didn’t know that we’ve been doing it wrong, according to Nick, all this time, even though our son got almost straight A’s (one B) on his last report card.

By the way, I started working at 12 (paper route) and have pretty much worked continuously ever since. I graduated college just as the Bush I recession was starting and was laid off around the same time that we invaded Kuwait. I spent two years working temp jobs, some that made use of my college education and some that didn’t. However, it was those additional skills/temp jobs in my field that I could add to my resume that finally got me full employment. Sitting at home would have done nothing.

Growing up I had a very good friend who really was gifted. He went to Cooper Union, graduated, worked as an engineer for the City of NY for a few years before going back to Columbia University to get his masters. He was on his way and then ... nothing. For the last 15 years or so he has been working in his mother's basement on a computer game that has been continuously become out of date (though, at least, it does force him to stay somewhat current in his field). 

It is not for me to say if he has illness or is on the autism spectrum (back in the day children weren't tested for Asperger Syndrome) that has caused him to retreat from life but I do suspect that the worse thing his mother did was allow him to move back home permanently after Columbia. Granted there were circumstances that led to this -- his father was in poor health and passed around that time and his mother needed help but that is still no excuse for his long term unemployment. 

In comparison my great-uncle, an orphan at 16 and forced to live with grandparents, went to Cooper Union, married, had two children and literally became a rocket scientist  by 30. I'm sure it helped that, aside from a brother providing a couch to sleep on, he had nothing to fall back on. Compare that to my friend who was babied by his mother for all these years. He was the one of our group that we all thought would do wonderful things with his life. Now, at age 45, those of us who remain his friend see that will never be. Sad that the letter writer can't see that this will be the fate of his son if he keeps this up.

And for the final shot, after the letter writer suggests that the radio host grow up and get some life experience, the host noted that at age 27, two years younger than the letter writer's son, he  was married with two children and on his way in his career at broadcasting and not wasting time in  his parents' basement. At age 29 I was in law school, while working full time, married and had been out of my mother’s house for years. I don’t think I could have accomplished law school and working full time without the work experience of my youth that forced me to do more than just come home after school. The letter writer is not helping his son.