It's chemotherapy time. Oh joy, rapture!

Just got off the phone with my mother-in-law who was calling to see how things were. When I told her that we had just received the word that my wife's chemotherapy for breast cancer will start tomorrow morning her first question was "how long does she have?" Nothing like a little optimism, though, all the fears she conveyed aren't any strangers to me these days. Basically, she asked me everything she hasn't wanted to ask her daughter. Will my wife die in a few years? How many fewer years will she live? Will I outlive my daughter? I lost my mother at 18 and it affected me deeply (our children are 7 & 11, and, on a side note, I lost my father at 20 that put me into a depression for several years that I didn't even notice at the time), what about your children? Is she ready for it? How likely is a recurrence (who knows)? You know chemo is poison (yes)? Are you scared (hell yes!)? As my wife has been saying we are doing all we can now so that, if there is a recurrence, we will at least know she did everything possible. 

Basically, aside from doing her best to remain healthy during and after the treatment, and getting checked constantly, whatever happens with her breast cancer recurring  will be out of our hands. I have to admit, there is something kind of relaxing about that. While long term the results may be good, they may also be bad. There is nothing more, at this time, that we can do, aside from hope that this treatment works and she has at least another 40 years (I'd say the odds are good, the cancer was estrogen fueled and when this is done, she will be in menopause meaning no more estrogen). And sometimes you need to make peace with that.

But those worries are for another day. The sun is still shining, the plants are still green and winter is still a long time away. Amazingly. the changes in our eating and exercise habits over a year ago coincide quite nicely with what is recommended for her going forward. For now she is reasonably healthy, probably healthier than many 41 year old mothers of two children. For the moment, she is at the gym, getting in her last heavy cardio/ weights workout for at least the next 7 days. The saltines, water bottles and sports drinks are ready. There is no peace to be made today, we are at war. Tomorrow begins a new chapter as she begins the next round of the battle.