Mr. Mom

In this week's Sunday NY Times magazine, a writer, while noting what she can teach her daughter about breaking glass ceilings as to Hillary Clinton's run for President makes a note how far women still have to go by noting, as an example, that despite women making up 48% of the average law school class, women only make up 18% of all major law firm partners. While she makes a valid point, she fails to note that this is partially due to women taking time off to raise a family (some of it due for biological reasons, they're the ones with the womb and the breast milk). Further, she fails to note that this mommy track can also affect men.

Both my wife and I have the education and qualifications that allow us to make much more than we make now. However, we both chose to go off our career paths 8 years ago when our first child was born, taking alternate jobs in our professions (we're both licensed attorneys) that pay less but also require us to work less hours. The end result is that, compared to those who didn't take the parent tracks, we are both making much less money than those who graduated with us and focused on their careers. Even if, when our children are older, one or both of us decide to refocus on our careers, we will still be behind those we graduated with. I had a co-worker who, though he had been an attorney for a decade hadn't practice in almost that long as he took a job that allowed him to care fore his and his wife's daughter. So, when he and his wife got divorced, her attorneys asked for more then he was currently making as alimony noting that a licensed attorney with his "experience" could make enough to afford such a payment, ignoring that there was no way he could actually earn that since he had slipped off the career path (sort of like former NJ Governor McGreevy).

When either my wife or I decide to go with the mainstream, we will be behind our contemporaries. However, my wife will be able to point at a glass ceiling while I will be able to point to .... my children? Further, it is more likely my wife will go back to our career path before me. I currently have a job that allows me to work from home several days a week; my wife does not. Therefore, I am the one who, 3 times a week. waits for the school bus in the morning and afternoon. It's not perfect, but it works. Currently, our son is old enough to know not to bother me while I work so it is not a problem for him to be around a few hours while I finish my work day; our youngest, who is not in school yet, goes to full-day pre-school. I have made it clear that my working from home does not mean I am available to be "come and play with me" dad. But I do have quite a bit of flexibility in my schedule, allowing me to attend school events with ease or, at least, be in the next room while our son does his homework, play outside, watch TV (and, as they get older, make sure both children "behave") and be the stay at home parent when a child is sick.

This is a choice we've made, where I'm most likely to be the one who puts my dreams and career hopes on hold for a longer period than my wife while taking care of the children. I'm not complaining. Nevertheless, while society will look at my wife at age 50 and point at a glass ceiling for why she hasn't made law firm partner or whatever, it will look at me and laugh "loser." Although more men participate in raising their children now than a quarter of a century ago when "Mr. Mom" came out, men who choose to be stay at home dads are still fairly rare.

So, my point in all this is this: the glass ceiling is not just for women anymore. It is for anyone who chooses to take time away from work to focus on their families. As this becomes more of a mom or dad type of thing, especially as both parents are either forced to work or choose to work, society will adjust and come to take advantage of this. Perhaps this will mean that only those without children or with spouses who can stay home will advance. Some corporations may decide to accommodate those employees and wait for them to end the fairly short period of their working lives spent with children to end and then take full advantage of the resources they've nourished. Others may allow employees who don't want the burdens that being a manager or partner require onto a contributor career path that could be equally rewarding. Others will of course do nothing different. Assuming we haven't completely outsourced ourselves by then, it will be interesting to see what corporate life will be when our children are parents.